Tag Archives: marriage

The Secret of a Successful Marriage

28 Nov

On their 50th wedding anniversary, the celebrating couple was asked what the secret was behind all those years of happy matrimony.

“Good wine,” said the husband.

“And a bad memory,” the wife added.






You´ve Been… Alfonsified

19 Mar

So I´m working on the computer, while my husband is chasing bandits on the Playstation.
Suddenly he says: “You know, I was thinking…”

“Yes?” I say.

But no answer comes.

I take my hands from the keyboard and turn my chair towards him.
“What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking,” he resumes, his eyes still fixed on the tv screen, “I might go to the supermarket to…”

Then silence again.

“…to…” I prod.

“… to buy…”

“…to buy what?”
Now that I´ve interrupted my work, I might as well get to the bottom of this.

His fingers keep clicking away at the controller, and he´s still intensely gazing at the screen, when he makes another attempt at finishing his sentence.

“… to buy a thing…”

At this point my frustration turns into fascination.

“Really?” I tell him. “You want to go to the supermarket to buy a thing?”

He grins, but the mystery remains.

It takes me three more questions (“What do you want to buy?”, “What´s the message here?” and “Can you please finish your sentence?”) to lead this Echternach conversation to a satisfying conclusion.

“… to buy some wine,” he says at last. “I was thinking a glass of wine would be nice.”

“Yes,” I say. “That would be very nice indeed.”

They say that to keep a marriage alive, you have to keep talking.
Score for us.



True Love

12 Mar

As it is taught in Disney films, Love is about finding The One.

The trajectory is rather simple:

  1. you have eye-contact
  2. you fall in love (which usually takes about half a song)
  3. you fight the external forces that keep you separated from your loved one
  4. you get married (compulsory)
  5. you live happily ever after (or: the union of lovers with perfectly matching personalities guarantees a life of eternal bliss)

When you grow up, however, you start realizing that it´s not that simple.

  1. many things can turn making eye-contact with someone you fancy into a trying undertaking. Low self-esteem for example. Or bad eye-sight.
  1. romantic songs to guide the mood are usually only played during a short time span at parties and almost never during daytime (or you have to be really lucky to be locking eyes with someone in the supermarket exactly at the moment when there´s some Barry White in the background.)
  2. the forces you have to fight are mostly internal: the loved one´s unpractical manias, childhood traumas, weird hobbies. And yours.
  3. “Should we get married?”, “What if (s)he doesn´t want to get married?”, “When is he going to propose?”, “Why isn´t (s)he proposing?” Ever heard those questions in a Disney movie?

and as for number 5: Well.

I´m starting to realize that I can´t send my daughter out into the world with only the images of Cinderella riding off in a carriage and Ariel waving on a boat, both in weddingdresses and linking arms with their new spouses, and a voice-over saying that they lived happily ever after.

So I decided to give a twist to the idea of “renewing wedding vows” and I renewed them entirely, hoping to get a little closer to the truth while doing so.

(Though I wouldn´t want her to read these things out loud at a wedding ceremony of course, but just so that she knows what she´s getting into.)

I will always be there for you.

I won´t. I might be at work, at a party, or on holiday with friends.

I might not realize what you´re going through or understand your pain.

But when you need me, call on me, and I´ll come running (see: Carole King: “You´ve got a friend”).

And when other people hurt you, I will unconditionally defend you and choose your side.

You are the love of my life.

Yes. But my children are too. And maybe a dog, a cat, some friends and family members.

There isn´t a first place, because it´s not a competition.

You are the only one for me.

You are, but that doesn´t mean it couldn´t have been someone else.

I´m sure you could´ve built up a happy life with another person –someone who irritated you less in certain aspects and more with other things. And the same goes for me.

(See the unsurpassed Tim Minchin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZMIgheZro )

But you are the One for me, because we made it happen. And when I count my blessings, meeting you is always at the top of my list.

kasteel Tina denk ik