Archive | March, 2015

True Love

12 Mar

As it is taught in Disney films, Love is about finding The One.

The trajectory is rather simple:

  1. you have eye-contact
  2. you fall in love (which usually takes about half a song)
  3. you fight the external forces that keep you separated from your loved one
  4. you get married (compulsory)
  5. you live happily ever after (or: the union of lovers with perfectly matching personalities guarantees a life of eternal bliss)

When you grow up, however, you start realizing that it´s not that simple.

  1. many things can turn making eye-contact with someone you fancy into a trying undertaking. Low self-esteem for example. Or bad eye-sight.
  1. romantic songs to guide the mood are usually only played during a short time span at parties and almost never during daytime (or you have to be really lucky to be locking eyes with someone in the supermarket exactly at the moment when there´s some Barry White in the background.)
  2. the forces you have to fight are mostly internal: the loved one´s unpractical manias, childhood traumas, weird hobbies. And yours.
  3. “Should we get married?”, “What if (s)he doesn´t want to get married?”, “When is he going to propose?”, “Why isn´t (s)he proposing?” Ever heard those questions in a Disney movie?

and as for number 5: Well.

I´m starting to realize that I can´t send my daughter out into the world with only the images of Cinderella riding off in a carriage and Ariel waving on a boat, both in weddingdresses and linking arms with their new spouses, and a voice-over saying that they lived happily ever after.

So I decided to give a twist to the idea of “renewing wedding vows” and I renewed them entirely, hoping to get a little closer to the truth while doing so.

(Though I wouldn´t want her to read these things out loud at a wedding ceremony of course, but just so that she knows what she´s getting into.)

I will always be there for you.

I won´t. I might be at work, at a party, or on holiday with friends.

I might not realize what you´re going through or understand your pain.

But when you need me, call on me, and I´ll come running (see: Carole King: “You´ve got a friend”).

And when other people hurt you, I will unconditionally defend you and choose your side.

You are the love of my life.

Yes. But my children are too. And maybe a dog, a cat, some friends and family members.

There isn´t a first place, because it´s not a competition.

You are the only one for me.

You are, but that doesn´t mean it couldn´t have been someone else.

I´m sure you could´ve built up a happy life with another person –someone who irritated you less in certain aspects and more with other things. And the same goes for me.

(See the unsurpassed Tim Minchin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZMIgheZro )

But you are the One for me, because we made it happen. And when I count my blessings, meeting you is always at the top of my list.

kasteel Tina denk ik

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